The Art of Roughhousing

When I was contacted and asked if I would like to review The Art of Roughhousing, I was really keen to see if it would be a common sense approach to actual physical play with boys (and girls) or just some new fad  that would result in me flinging the book across the room.

Described as a good old fashioned horseplay and why every kid needs it I was encouraged.  To my mind "old fashioned" is good when it comes to lots of things children; education, manners, play, I could go on. 

The book is written by two fathers Dr Anthony DeBenedet and psychologist Lawrence Cohen.  Anthony in his Preface tells of always interacting in a physical way  with his father whilst growing up.  Larry on the otherhand did not.  It is really interesting to read how these two different styles of parenting moulded the views of these men as they grew up.

Within the first few pages I was hooked on the philosophy of this book. In The State of the Art paragraph on page 12 this sentence sums up for me what life has become for many of our children today :

"What was once a motto of Safety First has evolved into a fretful new motto of Safety Only "

Children are over protected within an inch of their lives, are frowned upon if they play "rough" at school.  We had an example of this at the last school parents evening for our twins where we were told on the form that they give you,  both our boys are "too touchy" and their aims for next term ?  Not to improve reading or writing etc but to "learn to keep their hands to themselves " and by this the teacher meant hugging and touching in any form not "hitting".  My husband and I were horrified by this, it immediately made us feel as though our children were "thugs"  when the reality is that they are tactile and intelligent children who use touch as a communication tool.  Don't most six years olds ?  When language skills are still being developed, isn't it a common form of communication ?

I was a single mum with No 1 son for six years and spent great chunks of our "playtime" flinging him down the stairs in sleeping bags or quilts, dragging him down the hallway by his feet, rolling, "fighting" bucking and play "scaring" the wits out of him to screams of laughter and "more mummy more" !  In the days before we spent vast amounts of time playing on computers we made our own entertainment in ways I felt were suitable for a boy.

When friends or family visited they would often comment that I "was being too rough" or "it will end in tears" it rarely did.  I knew then as I know now how much is too much and more importantly to read the signs of when my children have had enough and are getting overstimulated by all the rough and tumble.  Even today No1 son  now (nearly 16 years old and a good six inches taller than me, will grab me for a playfight on the sofa !  I have to be wary of these ninja attacks especially when the twins join in the fun ! I'm not as young as I once was!

We all rough and tumble around the house together, running around hiding and jumping out on each other.  I had the living daylights scared out of me when I opened my linen basket last week and out jumped one of the twins. We hugged and rolled on the floor laughing so much I had tears rolling down my face.  They and I love it.

The book tells of the importance of rowdy, physical interactive play and how it was first observed in young rhesus monkeys during the 50's and 60's, it even makes the bold claim that physical play makes children smart, emotionally intelligent, lovable and likeable, ethical, physically fit and joyful " !  and gives you the facts both scientific  and otherwise to back up the claims.

By page 17  I could be heard muttering "yes! yes! yes!"  "this is so right" "OMG Nigel you HAVE to read this"   "listen to this " and "this"   to the amusement of the people sat around us at Bicton Park .

By Chapter two I was in total agrement with this book and would encourage anybody who has ever enjoyed rolling around with their children to buy a copy.  A lot of the content is common sense and something we already do in the course of bringing up our children.  But to some parents these days it may not be and maybe a helping hand is needed.    There are paragraphs on how to get started with accompanying picture diagrams !  Recommendations for suitability for ages, difficulty level and essential skills !

The book is jam packed with facts, stories, evidence and is written in an interesting no nonesense way.  If you have ever felt that trying to keep up with all the crafting, cooking activities, swimming, football, dance, cubs clubs etc  was exhausting not just for you but your children too.  Then this book might just be for you.  Our children don't have their lives all "clubbed" out but we do play with them an awful lot and I am glad to find that actually, in this modern over stimulated world we can feel that we are actually doing something right !

Due for release on the 17th May - its available on Amazon and many other good book sellers : )

Educating boys

I have three sons.  The eldest has been educated at a wonderful private school since he was three years old. It is a traditional school with old fashioned values and an equal mix of male/female teachers.  When he first started there in the kindergarten I was a single mum, spending most days running myself ragged working in Marketing and  driving several times a month to Swindon and back for meetings, trying to earn a good living and provide the best I could for him.   

One day whilst motoring down the M5 after a meeting that had over run, trying to get back to school to pick him up, I was stopped for speeding.  I finally arrived at school distressed and teary about an hour late.  As I ran down a corridor the headmaster walked out of one of the classrooms.  "Miss DuBois, you are always rushing about, and why are you late again to collect your son?"  I explained to him what had happened.  "you need to get a job that puts your child first, come and work for me, I need a secretary" 

At first I was afronted ! Does this man not know what I do ! I'm not a secretary !  but that night when I gave it some though, it actually seemed like a really good solution.  I could work in an office, not having to drive all around the country to dealerships and also be in the same place as my son was being educated.  I could see him, at work and at play everyday.

I accepted the headmaster's offer and received a heafty discount off No1 Son's fees and a modest salary.  I worked for him for eight years. It was worth the change in lifestyle.  No 1 son has had a first class education and is in the process of taking his G.C.S.E's this year (twelve of them), he will stay on for A levels.

After meeting and marrying my OH the twins came along and life changed dramatically for us.  When they were 3 they started at the kindergarten of No1 son's school  but it soon became clear to us that we would not be able to afford to pay for three boys to stay there.  When they reached reception age we transferred them to the local state school.  We did our research and believed the school to be the best in the area.  I was concerned about the fact that there was only one male teacher but had my concerns airily dismissed by the headmistress. 

Always someone who relies heavily on my instincts I became increasingly worried that they wouldn't get a rounded education because of the lack of male teachers.  Seven hours a day five days a week, in the company of only female teachers is not ideal for little boys.

I have read several articles on the subject, and all seem to agree on one thing, that boys need positive male role models when at primary school in order to develop fully.  If you have boys please take a moment to read these articles  The Telegraph   Guardian   The Independent

The twins have had their fair share of "incidents" since starting school, initially described as "settling into school routine" and now rolling over into Year one.  My husband and I are really concerned that it is becoming a pattern of their daily school life, that if not checked will " label" them for all their school life.  Desperate not to overreact, but also tired of the almost daily "Mrs Jones, can I have a chat please"  with the teachers, we are now asking ourselves whether we need to look elsewhere to educate our sons.