What ? What !!! .........
The snow hasn't quite reached us in Devon yet, but boy was it cold this morning ! Not just chilly, but biting cold ! I wrapped the twins up in lots of layers, gloves and their new trapper hats. Put on my scarf and thick coat, steeped outside the door and nearly fell over with the shock of it.
Nothing for it, I really will have to put that wolly black and white stripe hat with the pom-pom on top on! On it went, "That's a nice hat mummy, can I wear it ?" "err No sweetie you have your nice new hat" "you look funny mummy " "Thank you darling".
Off we trot to school. Thankfully not meeting up with any of the other mums (or dads) along the way, but glad for the protection it gave. "I'll take it off when I get to the gates" I tell myself. Not bloody likely, when we get there. I swear its minus 200 !
Oh No ! There's the deputy head doing his morning meet and greet ! "Hello boys, nice hats "
"oh! erm, hello Mrs Jones, errm Nice .... Cold morning isn't it ! "
I walk bravely on, by this time my nose is running and my eyes are streaming, can't wipe them because I am carrying 2 lunch boxes and 2 school bags. "oh! God ! there are all the young yummy mummies in their pretty pink knitted hats with flap ear things. They glance in my direction and look quickly away. "does she not know what she looks like ?"
I march on, head down. Phew, there are "the old gang" made up of us older mums and dads all wearing sensible warm clothes. The dads glance (they wouldn't notice if I turned up naked with tassles on - well maybe one might ) " cold isn't it ! " "yes, certainly is " I choke through snot and tears, "put my new hat on - ha ! ha! " trying to make light of my horrendous appearance seems only to succeed in drawing even more pitying looks in my direction. Stop LOOKING at me, its only a HAT !
In the classroom I make the mistake of pulling the offending item off my head ! BIG MISTAKE ! I mean BIG MISTAKE ! A static jolt that sends my gorgeous grey locks flying skyward as if they too, are so mortified to be part of my being they can't get away quick enough !
I can feel my face turning bright red with the combined heat of the classroom and the horror of it all. Plonk the hat back on my head, kiss the twins bye and march off down the road to the safety of my home.
HATS ! Burgh ! You can keep em.