Yesterday I wrote a post, published it and then deleted it 10 minutes later for fear of appearing too morbid. I have been giving it some though today and wondering why it was I didn't want the world to see my words, know my deepest fear, so decided to go with a slightly different version. I am really interested to know if other older mums (or actually, any parents) have the same fears.
Friday was a pretty good day all in all. I had two of my three boys home sick, but they sat in a rare moment of brotherly love, snuggled up together on the sofa, one 15 yrs and one 6 yrs old. Watching the discovery channel together and discussing the merits of dinosaurs, meteorites and the evolution of the planet. It was wonderful to listen to them really talking to each other. With twins its a rare moment you get to talk without one or the other interrupting or wanting something. Special time together for these two brothers.
On my way to collect the other twin from school, I pooped into my local charity shop and found one of my most stunning bargain's to date. I was thrilled and so pleased . A good day.
Onto school to collect 2nd twin, a chestful of stickers for good behaviour, work well done etc, another good day for him too. Special time together on our walk home, just the two of us, special sweets just for him .
Simple things, a rare retreat from money worries and a million other mundane things that occupy my mind, so why do I always have that horrible fear pop into my head.
I have more life behind me than in front , its a fact. I was a mature mum, 33 with No 1 son and 43 with the twins. I can't stop wondering how much more of their lives will I see ? How much time to correct all my mistakes, to do all the things I want to do, to show them how much I love them.