I've not been feeling myself for sometime, culminating in a long stressful appointment with the doctor on Friday. That and the prospect of a weekend alone with the twins as hubby is on shift, it seemed like the easy option just to let the boys play on the computers yesterday.
No fighting, no whining, a computer each to play "age appropriate games", they happily played away while I pottered around not doing anything much and dabbling on my computer. Then the "you are a bad mother " vibe kicked in. Programmed by what ? society ? allowing my children to play all day on computers was a bad, very bad thing, tantamount to child abuse! I dragged them screaming and protesting to the local park for some "quality time". I didn't want to be there, they didn't want to go, they complained and bickered with each other most of the time (apart from when they saw the pools had at long last been filled with water) and decided they would just take their socks and shoes off for a paddle. Needless to say we walked home a short while later soaked to the skin and shivvering.
At home,dry and changed. Back onto the computers they went. They were happy, I was happy I had peace and quiet. But I still can't shake the niggle that I am a poor parent for allowing it. I wouldn't dream of telling friends or family that I let them play most of the day online (I even lied to my husband !!) so why ? why do I feel this way ? After all, I spend most of my time online, Its my business, I shop there, I enjoy it, I find it relaxing, amusing, informative. I have made many new "cyber friends" why shouldn't it be the same for my children?
I am sure if computers had been invented when I was a child, my poor mother who juggled 3 children (one who was severely disabled ) and 3 jobs would surely had been glad of the ? help ? distraction ? I can actually remember sitting watching the test card (girl, scary clown and blackboard) whilst waiting for the 3 tv channels to come back on!
So why do I feel so bad ? like a poor parent ? I have wasted their weekend ? That I should be DOING something, anything with them ......