Wednesday, 6 April 2011

I've changed my plans for the Easter holidays.

When No1 son was 18 months old I became a single mum (through choice).  I needed to earn a living but  my mother lived in Cheshire and my son's biological father & his parents were refusing to help us in any way, shape or form.  I was desperate, a friend of mine at the time said she was sure her parents would be happy to help me out with some childcare.  I had met her parents they were the kind of people that you instantly take to.  They had a warm, loving family home always filled with family, friends and grandchildren. Nothing was too much trouble, food was always on offer and they welcomed us into their fold as if we were family. 

Nanna Jill and Uncle John as they became known looked after Jacob for me two days a week for a year, they refused payment of any kind, but I found ways (giving them M & S vouchers etc). When Jacob was 2.5 he moved onto kindergarten and a new chapter of our life began. 

Over the years we haven't seen Nanna Jill & Uncle John as much as we should have considering how generous they had been to us.  We saw them from time to time and around town.  They had terrible tragedy in their life when two of their grandchildren died (one as a toddler and one as a teenager ) but they were always positive about life whenever I saw them.  A few weeks ago John died after a short battle with cancer.  I was told by a friend of the family and asked if I wanted to go to his funeral.  I felt I couldn't go, that somehow it was a bit like being an ambulance chaser as I hadn't kept in touch with them as I should have.  I felt, I feel, guilt that I wasn't the friend I should have been to them considering how kind they were to me when I most needed help.  What would I say.  I realise now it was my feelings I was concerned about.  I should have gone to the funeral to pay my respects to a kind, generous and funny man.   Yesterday I saw Nanna Jill in the park.  As she walked towards me it dawned on me who she was, almost changed beyond recognition.  She grabbed me in a big hug and we talked for a long, long time about John, how she felt, what had happened, so many words.  Her parting words to me " tell each other every day how much you love them".

I was also with another very special lady at the weekend who has recently lost her mother and is grieving terribly, because we were involved in a busy event and had our children, there never seemed the right moment to talk to her about her mum and I was scared that if I picked the wrong moment to mention mum she might be upset.  I should have gone ahead anyway. 

I come from a really small family I have been blessed to get this far in my life without loosing a close member of my immediate family.  I can't imagine the pain it causes.  So instead of putting the twins in club next week during the school holidays I have changed my plans.  We are going to Cheshire to visit Grandma.

I have this sign in my home, I try to live by it every day.


10 comments:

  1. I love the sign, it is a perfect way of living :) Big hugs for you xxx

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  2. Beautiful words in your blog post and on the sign. I think you've made a good decision to go and visit your Mum, time with her can never be wasted. I miss my Mum everyday even after losing her 4 years ago. x

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  3. wow, very deep post and so true!
    sometimes we do not realize these things anymore and it is good to get a reminder and even better if we take that reminder and DO!

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  4. I have tears my eyes Karen, please don't feel guilty, they would have understood, they are those kind of people... The special ones who give because that want too, and really DON'T expect anything in return. A but like you dear freind;) love and big hugs! Hope things go okay at your mums too xxxxx

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  5. thingsand stuff - I have signs all over the house reminding me to be the best I can LOL! xx

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  6. NotSuperMum - thank you for your lovely comment. I am so sorry about your mum, I can't imagine how it must feel to no longer have them around. We don't see my mum that often as we live so far apart, I'm really glad I changed everything to go visit. xxx

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  7. Pass me another tissue - that made me cry so much! (okay it is pregnancy hormones making the tears flow quite so much). A really beautiful and poignant post.

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  8. Paul and Paula and MOIxx aww thank you for your kind comments. I feel so sad with hindsight that I didn't just go to the funeral, I am so self conscious and should have remembered it was about John not me : ( xx

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  9. What a beautiful but sad post. You should go seem Grandma. Life is taken away all to quickly. Having lost so many people close to me, I cling to what I have. I try not to take life for granted but I do, you can't live every day like it's your last. People know you care and are in their thoughts even if you don't tell them. x

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  10. Beautiful but deeply sad post. Glad you are going to Grandma's. We should all live each day as if it is our last. I tell my kids I love them every single day.

    xx

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