Wednesday, 28 July 2010

Who would you put on the naughty step - Multiple Mayhem Carnival Update

The lovely fellow twin mummy Heather over at Young and younger  invited me to take part in the Multiples Mayhem Carnival .  I really enjoy my blog but sometimes find it hard to think of something to say that might actually interest other people.  After much though I decided to stick with a post I wrote last month and update how I feel today, a month or so later.  

Having twins is an amazing time for any parents, but if you are without emotional and practical support and are suffering from severe financial burdons it will really test you.  My story (the short version ) is below.  I can truly say now with my hand on my heart that I always loved my babies, I just didn't want them at first !  It may feel like life is never going to improve and you only see blackness ahead.  It does, truly get better.  Although our financial situation is still a nightmare and a daily struggle, my realtionship with my twin son's has improved and blossomed with every day.  We still have our moments and life is hard with multiples but I look at them now and pray to god to NEVER take them away from me now.

Thank you for taking the time to read xx







 I often read with interest the "tags" people receive via twitter and blogs, but to receive one myself yesterday from the lovely Susan sent me into a flat spin.  Write about "who you would put on the naughty step"  A few immediately popped into my head - Duncan Bannatyne was way up there (for reasons I won't go into ) as was the new bad boy on the block from Toy Story 3  Lots-O'_Hugging Bear - Already covered and for much the same reasons.  So forgive me if this one has been covered too, but I am new to this tagging business.

Who Would I put on the naughty step ?

Well I am afraid the answer has to be ME !

So while I sit here on my step with time to think, I will reflect on  how I got here.  Just like the twins do when they are sent to sit on the naughty step.  Strangly, although they can be a total pain in public and have shown me up on many ocassions, don't listen and generally cause mayhem where ever they go, when sent to the naughty step they seem to understand the point being to sit and reflect.  They never attempt to leave and will sit there until told to come off.  I can walk past and notice that they really seem to be "thinking" and often comment " I've had a think mummy, I'm sorry, I know why I was naughty, will try to be good" Sometimes my heart breaks.

I'm here because :

The twins birth - C - Section , special care, arguments with husband, with mother, poor aftercare, missing No1 son, regret, pain, panic, denial.




Six months later after my husband's business failed we had to sell our beautiful large home with a view and move back to Exeter, small house, 6 month old twins, 10 yr old, sadness, debt, court, disbelief, failure, weight of responsibility, tiredness, anger, I want my old life back, I don't want this life or these babies (guilt).




And so it has been for over 5 years. Humiliation, anger, frustration, loss of  friendship, regret, debt, guilt, struggle, blame, tiredness, sadness, tears, blackness, mountains (huge mountains), hiding.




More recently the light has been slowly coming back, so what if we haven't had a holiday for 7 years ! So what if we never have any money to spend on ourselves.  I have a beautiful family, we have our health, life could be much, much worse, and then yesterday - three things happened - I read a blog post entitled "My own victory day " by the wonderful  Lottieloves1 , I had a conversation with SusankMann and I received an email from a friend in Florida offering us a place to stay if we could get the air fare ! (some hopes for 5 of us, but you never know!)  It wasn't quiet an epithany but it was enough of a kick up the bum to make me take real stock.  I did a lot of thinking last night.

So today as I sit on my naughty step thinking about all the things I have felt and said over the last 5 years!  The pain I have inflicted, the sadness I have caused to others and it stops now.  I realise that I am the lynch pin of this family and my moods, actions etc influence all that my family is.  I am taking the doctors advice too and tying the laces of my trainers, I'm off out for my first run in many years, I 'm going to loose the weight I have been moaning about, I am going to cut down on my nighly glasses of wine and above all I am going to start being a proper mummy to my 3 gorgeous boys ! 

Can I come off the step now please boys ????

29 comments:

  1. wow that was some reading, I think I would have to join you on that step as I have been a bit horrid to live with recently for similar reasons as you x

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  2. You are a star Karen. You don't need the naughty step sweetheart, so would your gorgeous boys would say!

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  3. Again I think i should be on the step too but life has a way of coming back. There is always something to look forward to. You will succeed.

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  4. Thanks Sarah, Ipshita & B2B
    Our step is getting pretty crowded. Nice to know I am not the only one out there xx

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  5. Now I am all teary, may have to find bleachers to fit us all on!

    Though this seemed quite appropriate . . .
    A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. - Lao-tzu

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  6. Wow that is an amazing post, you are far from naughty. Lotso bear well you know where I stand with him lol. You are an amazing mother, an amazing person and an amazing friend to me. I had no idea our conversation helped a bit, I'm glad it did. But remember always you have three gorgeous boys, yes life is tough and you want to tear your hair out but give them a hug and it melts away. Plus look what you have accomplished, your website is amazing, your online shop is incredible. That is a pat on the back itself. Enjoy your run, hope it gets you where you want to go. Now, I'm off to get more tissues. Thank you for being you. xx

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  7. You are no doubt a better mother than you will ever realise and wife too methinks. As an adult to be able to say, I am going to change and then to have the strength to do it is amazing in itself. Great things happen to those who give and sounds like you are on the way up and embracing life, steps and all... Think I may go and sit awhile myself xx

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  8. Thank you Althea, just back from that first step xx

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  9. Thank you Susan and Kirsten kind words indeed. I really appreciate your words. xxx

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  10. Great post - admire your honesty! Gave me something to think about too!

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  11. Well Karen, just want to let you know that from what i have gleaned you have turned the corner! and please don't be too harsh on yourself. You have accomplished a lot and giving birth to three healthy boys and having a fab online shop and blog!!! Just stay positive and make time for 'YOU' XX
    Jacqueline Irvine
    www.organicbabyclothesdirect.com

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  12. Sounds like you've had a lot to deal with in the past 5 years so please don't be too hard on yourself. The smiles on your boys' faces are just gorgeous and say a lot. For what it's worth I think you've got an excellent business idea (there's loads of beautiful girls clothes out there but as a mum of boys I can see you've hit on a real gap in the market!) and your blog & website are so stylish - here's to a great future!

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  13. Such a touching heartfelt post Mrs,
    I really believe something someone told me once.. its usually the best mothers who fear they are the worse, as the bad ones don't know or care.
    I *know* you are an amazing mum, and a truly fantastic friend too!
    Oh and thanku for passing it on to me, will get my thinking cap on, you have kind of raised the bar with this fab post ;) XXXXX

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  14. A beautiful post, made me a little emotional also and I'm a tough guy! My wife had a miscarriage 2 months ago, it was our first pregnancy and took us to a very dark place. It's very easy to end up hating each other but you have to keep talking to your partner and remember why you fell in love in the first place.

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  15. What an amazing post. From what I can tell, you're an amazing woman, mum and wife and all of your boys are very lucky to have such a lovely lady in their lives.

    I hope the running helps clear your head and makes you feel like you're on the right track.

    XxxX

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  16. Jacqueline, Thank you for your positive comments. Not so sure it was the right thing to do, being so personal on what was my business blog but, well its done now xx

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  17. Hi Blissful mum
    Thank you for your kindness. I am trying really hard to find more boys clothes to feature. Will be having a giveaway of boys item soon so make sure you are following me xx

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  18. Helen,
    Thank you Sweetie, I KNOW, YOU KNOW xxxxxx

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  19. Benji,
    Now I am crying again! I am done with crying but I so appreciate your comment. Don't often get comments from men and to have such a heartfelt one. Thank you. I understand totally what you are saying. I wish you and your wife all the very best for a baby in the future. xx

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  20. As I said on twitter you DO NOT need to go on the naugthy step. Life can be hard at times and it isnt anyones fault. Well done for getting through and out the otherside.

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  21. Wow! That just floored me. Thank you for putting pen to paper in such an honest post. I think we sometimes get so caught up in all the chaos, we forget to breathe. You sound an amazing, strong, confident and couragous woman and mother. I hope running helps to chase those demons away because you don't deserve to carry those negative feelings around with you. Now get off that naughty step, it's not for you. Onwards and upwards! xx

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  22. Ok woman you have made me cry now!! But the pictures made me smile. I am sending you a huge hug which may or may not crack your ribs :) I am sooo proud of you in having the strength to face what you have faced and then write about it. Life is full of crap and horrid ups and downs where we all think 'why me' bt unfortunately these are the lessons we all have to trawl through in the most ghastly ways sometimes but we also need to be able to look back on those times and realise they happen for a reason although at the time that reason is nigh on impossible to see. You are an amazing mother, wife, woman, friend, (virtual and real!) business woman, who is on the up with amazing people, your family around you driving you nuts but they are there loving you and believing in you whatever may befall you. We all love you & are proud that you had the guts to put yourself on that damn step :) xxx

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  23. sjspence,
    Bless you ! Thank you for that wonderful comment xxx

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  24. Dearest Niki Thank you my lovely for such a supportive comment and sorry I made you cry too xxx

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  25. Wow karen - I am filled with admiration and empathy for you.
    I too claim the naughty step let me explain...
    early this year I had to strike my main business off leaving me with large business debts and our family of 5 to survive off negative finance right now.
    Our house remains on the market but no one views at this time.
    three weeks ago my marriage cracked and I share our daughters room to give my husband space. we are trying to do this amicably as friends as I discovered that although I love my husband I am "in love" with another. what followed is 3 weeks of torture for my husband and children and myself. My crime is to find love, I have never been "in love" before and although it feels so wonderful I am also riddled with guilt and uncomfortable feelings.
    On the plus my children are wonderful and coping so well, my husband is free to find real love for himself although right now he clings tightly to me, my future looks bright - new business venture being launched ( http://www.seedsofwisdombook.com) and freedom to love and be loved.
    I have also discovered how wonderful my friends are - I am blessed so much.
    so all in all a confused person happy and sad, guilty yet innocent, stressed yet free.

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  26. Wow - I really admire your honesty. Your boys are gorgeous. I think I often need to go on the naughty step too x

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  27. Hello Wendy,
    Thank you so much for your kind comments and sharing your story with me. I wish you every happiness with your new love and hope your husband can find peace. I can't imagine the mixed emotions and complications having a new love added to the mix would cause. I think your last sentence says it all.
    Karen xx

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  28. Thank you Dottie, I think our step is getting pretty crowded. Hugs
    Karen xx

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  29. You have been tested long and hard and sometimes a little reflection goes a long way.
    Life is hard and you have had a real bashing, I'm so glad to see you're turning a corner and I hope you get loads back which I am sure you will.
    Off the step now please - my turn :)

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